The Great Game of “Yes – But”

We all play the game of “Yes – But(t)….” And we each choose which “butt” is defensible. There is a lesson here and I well remember being taught it by my father (over and over again, as a matter of fact). It was not a pleasant lesson, and I fear too few people have learned it.

We often play the game to justify our actions, to avoid punishment. In public life we might be chastised because we present one side of an argument, even though we understand and sympathize with the opposite view. It is important to view all available angles before making a choice when neither version is perfect or seems completely fair. But a line must be drawn somewhere to hold civilization together.

A parent faces judgment for spanking (not beating) his badly behaving child. Perhaps there is a better way, but maybe other paths haven’t worked, or this is the most expedient way to teach an immediately important lesson of consequences to save a life. Yes – but….

You can strip a first-time drunk driver, or a young helicopter pilot of his license for flying too high across a glide path at a busy airport. It seems an excessive punishment for a simple, innocent mistake. Or you can let adherence to the rules slide and witness 67 innocent people die in a resulting mid-air collision. Yes – but….

You might be employed in a secure position and discover your own government is secretly shredding the very foundations of the reason we formed a free nation, spying on, entrapping, imprisoning, and even killing sovereign, innocent citizens for nefarious reasons. Do you uphold your oath of secrecy, or blow the whistle on a deeply corrupt agency, possibly endangering its operatives? Yes – but….

Your parents tell you not to associate with a classmate who keeps getting into trouble, but you think you can help turn this person’s life around if you cover for him, hoping you won’t get caught up in his disastrous web. Yes – but….

What do you do when Man’s Law seems to conflict with God’s Law? Perhaps there is no legal consequence if you commit this act, but you’ve understood from your earliest childhood that this is a very bad thing to do. Yes – but….

The lesson Dad taught me was to choose my battles carefully. That doesn’t just mean going to war or striking out against someone or something. It also means to consider the consequences if you get caught. Was what you did worth the consequences? Was it so important that you would feel compelled to do it again, even knowing that you might be imprisoned, tortured, or put to death for doing it?

It’s okay to put the question to someone, but only if you are going to listen and seriously consider the answer. Where is the greater good? Where is the confusing deception? What is the collateral damage? Hearing another perspective might lead you to reconsider your own choice.